Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
