While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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