What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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