I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
