If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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