I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
why is half of my head shaved?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
