Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
