we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
