Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
