don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
