Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm like, not good at living.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
