32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize