Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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