It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
