theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
