My Higher Power is John Stamos
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
