I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
