I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
