im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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