Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
