I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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