He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
