What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
