i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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