the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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