Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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