Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
