You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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