I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
