woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
