drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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