Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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