i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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