I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
