high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
