i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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