Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
