He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
