My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
