why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
