I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
