I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
