We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
