Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
