Plan B is the new Plan A
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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