Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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