dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i now understand why vodka
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
