Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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