Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
