: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
her facebook's as public as her vagina
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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