yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
