I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I take back everything I said about communal showers
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
