remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
