Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
