I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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