man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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