Where is the hickey?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
