break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
