Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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