I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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