i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
