im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
