Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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