I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Four minutes until I can fart!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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