dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
