Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
