i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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