If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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