i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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