I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
