I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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