I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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