If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
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well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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