i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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