chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
