Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The power of my boobs compel you
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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