Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
