She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
