Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
