what day is it and did you see me today?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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